Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Heat Induced Pet Peeve Rant

Summer is flying by, which is a total blessing since it' s my least favorite season, and for only one reason.  The heat.  I am heat phobic.  (I insist it's a medical condition, why else would I be dripping sweat while everyone else is freezing to death?  I am NOT making this up.  If you've met me, you know this is true.)  And in the summer, my schedule (up at 4:30, at work by 5:45, home at noon, then family time) is the opposite of my children's (who get to stay up later) and The Engineer, who is a night owl.  It's hard to never have alone time, either with The Engineer, or with myself.  Afternoons are packed with kids' stuff, then by the time dinner is over and cleaned up, I'm ready to drop dead.  So come on, August 21, I'm ready.

As I suffer in this heat, I've added to my list of pet peeves.  In no particular order:

Drivers.  All of them.  They are all terrible.  Weaving, not using turn signals, cutting me off, tailgating, talking, TEXTING, not paying any attention to the psychotic in the next car who is still suffering post my-car-got-totaled-by-one-of-these-idiots syndrome.  (T-boned when he ran a VERY red light and plowed into my precious boxy-but-beautiful wedding present Volvo wagon and left me on my back for 4+ months of agonizing therapy to recover).  I hate driving.  I hate riding in the car.  Beam me there, Scotty.  I'm too scared to be out there.

The little bugs that came in with the bouquet my niece made me, took up residence in my kitchen compost, and though I'm now composting in the garage, still haven't left.  Annoying little things that like to slip into our drink glasses and drown.  BE GONE!

Video games.  If they'd never been invented, I wouldn't have to fight with Diamond and YellowBoy to turn them off.  All the time.  They are addicts.  It's my fault, I know, but it's still gets on this list.  It's MY list.

Construction.  Why does EVERY road have to be worked on ALL at the same time?  My beautiful, scenic-country-road drive to work is no longer possible.  No idea what they're trying to accomplish, but the entire road is blocked.  I HATE driving the highway.  In case you missed why, see #1.

Rude campers.  I go camping for peace and quiet and solitude.  When you blast YOUR choice of music so loud that I can't carry on a conversation INSIDE my camper, then I WILL tell you about it.  I think a good rule is don't let what you do leave your site.  I love music.  Listen all day long.  But with headphones.  Everyone has different tastes.  But I think I'd be annoyed even if it was Bruce Springsteen they were blasting.  Camping is about hearing the water lapping the shore, the wind caressing the trees, and the fire crackling.  Not your hip-hop or thunderous bass (yes, your stereo is macho, now turn it OFF.)

And with this, I will close.  Perforated invoices that are folded not on, but NEAR the perforation.  I process about 80 pieces of mail a week.  Not everyone requires the little payment coupon when  paying, but if you do: have your envelope stuffer fold the invoice ON THE FREAKING PERFORATION.  Ok, so maybe I'm a neat freak and should just rip it off where it's folded, but I like order.  And straight lines.  And neat tears.  (When I was a teacher no spiral paper was allowed.  I took off points to discourage the practice (ok, to be completely honest, I never actually did, just threatened them about it)).  It's very hard to re-fold it to tear correctly when the first fold is less than a centimeter from where I'm trying to go.  I know this isn't a pressing issue, but this is about how everything makes me crazy when I'm too hot, so there you have it.

All I want is my fan, a glass of icy beverage, and FALL.