Wednesday, August 21, 2013

Why I'm No Longer Going to Colonize Mars

I think I've changed my mind on the whole going to colonize Mars question. I don't think I want to go anymore.  The Engineer and I watched probably THE most stupid movie of all time (well, nothing can really beat Speed 2 for stupidest, so I guess 2nd stupidest then) on Sunday night. It's called Stranded. I hate to advertise for it, but I do want to save you the pain, the horror, the total and utter boredom so I'm naming it. In addition, if you wear a CPAP machine, this is SO NOT the movie for you.

In a previous post, I compared wearing a CPAP to SCUBA diving.  I think I've found an even better analogy. It's like wearing a space suit and going EVA – Extra Vehicular Activity – as in out of the space ship. Watching them get all zipped up and strapped in, loading the oxygen tanks, and closing the lids on their helmets, all was a build-up of claustrophobia for me.

Then they switch to what you hear when you're inside a space suit. It sounds JUST like what you hear when wearing a CPAP mask. That Darth Vader in and out with pressure and wheezing air. I'd tried to explain it to The Engineer, but he couldn't remember any SCUBA movies, or the associated sound, so he didn't really get my explanation. Once I heard it from inside the space suit, I paused the movie to proclaim, “That's it! That's what it sounds like in a CPAP!”

He was surprised. “Really? It sounds that bad? No wonder you freak out when you put on your mask. Does it stop?” Um, no, not unless you're asleep...

So here's my advice, for movie watchers and for CPAP wearers. Don't watch Stranded. If you wear a CPAP, don't watch movies with space suits, and people who suffocate in them s l o w l y  while running out of oxygen and you get to watch the whole thing. Several times. This is like one of those teenage run-into-the-woods-when-the-killer-is-coming type deals. One by one...


What movies freak you out? Do you have any phobias, or is it just me?

9 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

I imagine that would freak you out.
Real life is far scarier than any movie, so those rarely get to me. After reading the news yesterday about the teens who shot and killed a guy they didn't know because they were bored, I now have a phobia about bored teenagers.

L. Diane Wolfe said...

As long as I didn't end up on my back I'd be okay. That's when claustrophobia would kick in.

I don't mind bugs, but centipedes wig me out. We get the big, wiggly red ones here. In the house! Yuck.

Vanessa Morgan said...

Didn't like it either. We're two then to stay on planet earth :)

Brian Miller said...

flatliners....with kevin bacon....and not because of the death but because they use a scalpel to open the bottom of a cadavers foot...and i feel it as i watch....blech!!!!

JoJo said...

IMHO the stupidest movie ever was 'biodome'. lol I have lots of phobias. I never touch raw meat when I cook, I use a fork & knife to maneuver it where I need it to be. And the movie that freaked me out was Silence of the Lambs.

Tammy Theriault said...

darn it! you ruined my whole day! naw, just playing. but i loved your thinking mind. let's just continue colonizing earth, eh?

Romance Reader said...

I was seriously grossed out by the movie- The Slug- eeek!

Nas

Jo said...

Tina, you exaggerate. Unless you have a particularly noisy CPAP machine. Mine doesn't sound a bit like Darth Vader, it is really surprisingly quiet.

I would love to colonize Mars, I would love to go into space, but for me it will never happen. Your kids maybe, but not me. I will wear my space suit quite happily. At least with a CPAP machine you can rip it off quite happily if you need to, no spacial vaccum.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Tina .. I hate watching dreadful movies and won't go or watch - I go to bed instead .. Dreadful rubbish they put out ...

Ah well ... I need my beauty sleep now-a-days .. not sure what happens when now-a-night comes around I guess the creases ease down!!!

Cheers from a sunny England .. Hilary