Friday, December 31, 2010

Flash Friday 55: Learning to FLY



I'm a Flybaby now
or at least,
going to try
Nothing to lose
except for piles
piles
piles
clutter of a life
depressed
inert, but now
old habits for new
attempting to reverse
the chicken and the egg
worth a try,
as they say
even baby steps
get you somewhere
eventually
And I've got time

It's Flash Friday 55 over at g-man's Mr. KnowItAll. Put your link in the comments and join the party.

P.S I'm talking about Flylady. She promises to help you get your house and hence your life into order. I'm a procrastinating piler, and have reached critical mass. One more of anything and it will all fall down.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Magpie - Remnants

I still have one,
tucked away with
socks
to remember
the victory
I gathered them
all
of
them
the scraps of our love
and put them in
a shoebox
notes you'd left
under my windshield wiper
or my inbox
little yellow reminders
of the time
you cared
snippets of
the wax and wane
of tangled lives
no longer able
to pretend it
wasn't
over
burned them all,
with the shirt which still
held your scent hidden
up in flames, like our
too hot too fast love
I left the ashes
and then
I bought myself
the gloves,
a celebration of letting
it all go.
Now
all that's left
is ashes of memories
and one, lonely glove.

This is a magpie tale.


Monday, December 27, 2010

Saturday Centus: Family Drama Part IX


Not really eager to talk to her idiot ex-husband, Kat instead studied the Rube Goldberg style devices in the nearby window display as she considered her options. She probably wasn't getting Russ's help. Her split-at-the-first-sign-of-trouble little sister wasn't coming back any time soon. And she couldn't leave that body in the freezer forever. The white-bearded fat man rolled through the church doors over and over again. The machine was stuck. “Something isn't doing its part right.” And that's when it dawned on her. Not wasting any time, she hurried away to set her plan in motion, feeling more hopeful than she had since this whole family drama started.

I think you know the drill by now, so just a quick review.  Prompt in bold italic.  100 words.  Jenny.  I'm trying to string them all together, and Jenny's trying to stump me.  C'mon, four weeks in a row of "holiday" style prompts?

Need to catch up?  Put Family Drama in my search gadget to get them all.  Only need last week?  It's here.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

At the End of the Day

And
so it's
over. Gifts
given, received,
families returning
home, left-overs stashed,
memories made, hugs shared
Celebration is over, but the greatest
gift remains

Sunday 160 is hosted by Monkey Man.  Head over there if you'd like to join us.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas!

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace. Isaiah 9:6



Photo wikipedia


 

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

To Fly

Trapped here
in a decaying body,
my soul longs
for the freedom
to fly

Take me up,
to the very top
from there,
I'll fly
Slicing through
the crystal air
face chapped
with the whirling
wind's caress
My feet, barely
touching earth
my arms stretched out
in gratitude
And when I land,
take me up,
take me up,
again

Alas, that's a
distant melody
of memories
playing in
my hopeful heart
maybe, one day
someday.

It's One-Shot Wednesday, a day early because of Christmas. If you've hesitated to write poetry, head on over there and join the supportive community of poets of all levels.

P.S.  I miss skiing.  A lot.  But with my fused wrist I'm not allowed to. Sigh.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Sunday 160: Peace


Cherished
Traditions, kept
Year to year
Antique ornaments
passed down,
unpacked with care
whispering love
memories
to my hurried heart
peace on earth
for this short while

It's Sunday 160, and my first time playing along.  Go see Monkey Man if you want to join.  You only get 160 characters, even harder than a 55, or a Centus.  What can I say, I like to be challenged ;-)

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Saturday Centus: Family Drama Part VIII


Tired, frustrated, and if she was honest with herself, scared, Kat closed the garage and took one more look at the freezer with the body stashed. Good, it still looks a mess in there, he'll be safe. He wasn't going anywhere. But she was: Retail therapy. To forget her current predicament for a while in the crowds of Christmas shoppers cramming the mall seemed like a great idea.
Passing through the food court she was startled by a familiar voice, “What was he thinking? OMG! Elves are soooo 2009!”  Wait. Couldn't be. Could it? Turning around she saw him. What in the on earth was he doing here?

Saturday Centus again. You know the drill: 100 words around the prompt (not included in the count) and in bold italics above. Link up at Jenny's at Off on My Tangent if you want to join. I'm adding an extra twist: connecting all the short stories into one story, told 100 words at a time. And I think Jenny's out to get me...these prompts have been really challenging...

For the previous parts, go here.  

Friday, December 17, 2010

Flash Friday 55: Down the Drain


I wish I could wash
you out,
forget it
finally
Not be haunted by
what-ifs
regrets
you would go
down
the 
drain, 
in
a gentle trickle,
like the soap suds
puddled at my feet

Because moments
sneak up on my resolve
hushly whispering
to my heart
if only...
reminding me
of what was
long-ago lost.


It's Flash Friday 55.  Head over to g-man and put your link in the comments if you want to join us.


Thursday, December 16, 2010

What's Your Love Language?

Have you heard of the concept of The Five Love Languages? This book by Gary Chapman was first published in 1992 and is now available in 38 languages, while continuing to be in the top 100 on Amazon. I've found that understanding these differences between us has really improved my relationships, not just with The Engineer, but also my kids and my friends.

The basic concept is that although most of us use each of the languages some of the time, we all have one that is dominant. Learning what language your loved one speaks truly improves communication. The five languages are: touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, and giving gifts.

Let's start with mine, touch. I'm a hugger, I love having my hair played with (the little girls I used to baby-sit enjoyed “styling” it), I like to hold hands, cuddle while watching a movie, and of course, ahem (Jenny says PG) spouse type loving. If you're my friend, I'll hug you every time I see you. If you're my son, I'll mess with your hair, give you a great back rub, or snuggle with you when I put you to bed. If you want to give me a gift, I'd love a gift certificate for a massage ;-)

The Engineer speaks acts of service. Are you moving? He'll be there, with his trailer, his mad packing skills and will pretty much run the show if you like. The sweet little widowed grandmas at church get their sprinkler systems winterized for free. He'll grab his compressor, the converted air tank, put it all in his trailer and take care of that for you.  I've NEVER mowed a lawn, or had to pay to have my oil changed. Even though this so isn't my language, I've learned that the simple things like making his coffee, or packing his lunch, or even laying out his clothes makes a huge difference for him. I try to have dinner ready when he gets home, and fix his plate for him. He'll turn around and serve me by do the dishes afterwards. And then we cuddle on the couch and watch that movie.

If you're a “words of affirmation” you feel loved when someone encourages you, or praises you for something you've done. Of course you need to HEAR “I love you” because changing your tires, though it's that other person's “acts of service” to you, doesn't say it “loudly” enough. You like to hear “thank-you” and “that was a completely wonderful meal” or “you're so good at that!” whatever that may be.

My Jake needs “quality time” so going out for coffee with Mom is a favorite activity. We chat and sip and laugh. He likes to help The Engineer with projects, because that's what his dad will be doing, and Jake wants to be with him. He's always asking for a sleep-over so that he and his friends can hang out for a long time.

Everyone loves getting gifts, but do you know that someone who seems to always pick the right thing to give you, even though you'd never thought of it? I bet that person's language is gifts. This is my sis. “Oh, well, I was just at Hobby Lobby and I know you like sunflowers, and it was on clearance, so here!” No occasion needed, just a hug in her language. She pays attention to people, and somehow manages to be completely creative in her choices. Not to mention generous. From me?  You get a gift card.

If you learn your loved ones' languages, and do your best to speak them, I truly think your relationships can only improve. Then imagine that they are doing that very same thing, trying to speak in yours. We all have our differences, and they say opposites attract, but opposites also have trouble understanding each other some of the time. Making the effort to communicate effectively is a gift to you both.

What's your language? 

It's Alphabe-Thursday again, brought to you by the letter L.  Link up at Jenny's if you want to play!

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Where's the Line to See Jesus?

Received a link to this today. Happy Birthday, Jesus.


Personal News

This post is not about me practicing writing. It's just a news bulletin, to let you know where I am in life right now.
Back in July, my hip started hurting and it's gotten progressively worse over time. I gave in and saw a hip specialist who x-rayed and MRI'd me. And promptly passed me off to an even more special specialist. I finally got to meet with him yesterday. it's not happy news at all.  My labrum is torn alright, but it's because of the severe arthritis in that joint.  He can't fix the labrum because the ball in the socket joint is not aligned correctly. And even if he could, it would probably just tear again since he can't fix the arthritis.  And even if he could fix it, and the arthritis, and the arthritis didn't return, there's still the huge risk of getting RSD.  Read about Complex Regional Pain Syndrome here.

if you're interested in learning more.  This condition is what I already have in my right wrist which I shattered in 2000, fused in 2006, and still hurts like crazy.  Every day.

Needless to say, I'm completely floored by this news.  He said the only fix is a hip replacement.  But even then, the risk of RSD is so high that it might not be worth it.  At least not at this time.
So where does that leave me?  In hideous pain.  For a long time.
Thanks for listening,
Tina

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Saturday Centus: Family Drama Part VII


Dragging the body to the freezer proved a lot more work than she'd anticipated. Three steps, rest. Three steps, rest. Elaine had always liked her men tall, muscular, and fit. Why couldn't she have killed some wimpy hundred pound weakling? 
Ok, what would she have Annie do, if she was writing this instead of living it? That was a tough one. The last line she'd written in her current manuscript was, “An involuntary gasp of shock escaped my lips when I opened the shoebox and saw the pointy-toed shoes.” Her heroine had a shoe thing...probably wouldn't wanted to get dirty...so no help there. Where the expletive was Russ? She was going to make him pay for this.


It's Saturday Centus, and I'm linking all my entries together for the sheer challenge of it. Go here for last week, and for the links to the previous weeks. If you feel like playing along, head on over to Jenny's for the full rules of how to use the prompt (in bold italics above) in your own story. Then check out the other varied takes on the crazy prompts she gives us. Never a dull moment in this meme!

Friday, December 10, 2010

Flash Friday 55: Marry Go Round

Back again
we always end up here
despite promises,
desperate vows
we always end up here
you say,
but don't do
It's a merry-go-round
spinning, spinning,
sometimes fast enough
I can pretend not to see
but at times, so subtly
slowing down,
I don't notice
until we stop
getting off
right where we started.

It's Flash Friday 55!  Go see g-man and put your link in his comments if you want to play.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Pause

We rush and fuss
fret and plan
pushing to get through,
what should be
savored

It's not about
all those tasks we do
the musts and shoulds
over which we've
labored

In all the hustle
We miss the message
A world was changed
by the King of Kings.
The greatest gift:
Reconciliation, now
enabled.

If you haven't seen the flashmob food court Halleluiah Chorus, please take five minutes to savor this beautiful celebration of the birth of the King.  Then head on over to One-Shot Wednesday for more poetry from a variety of writers.  Write your own and link up!



Saturday, December 4, 2010

Saturday Centus #31: Family Drama, Part VI



It was mid-morning by the time Kat gave up waiting for Russ's call. She couldn't afford more delay, so with renewed determination she studied the dead body.

I guess I'll have to hide you in the garage. If there's room.”

It was a little less creepy dealing with the situation while talking aloud.

This might be harder than I thought. Look at all this crap!”

Then it dawned on her. Moving the bin of tangled up holiday lights, Kat lifted the lid of the ancient chest freezer. More crap. But moveable crap.
It wasn't long before the space was ready and waiting for the victim.



It's Saturday Centus.  By now you know the drill, 100 words, don't mess with the prompt (in bold italic), link up at Jenny's.  I'm challenging myself to connect all my stories, regardless of the prompt.  So go check out the other stories, and add yours to the linky.


Previous parts:
Part I-IV
Part V

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Mike the Malicious Mailman

We all probably have complaints about the United States Postal Service. We also joke about people “going postal”. However, I think what I experienced after we did some remodeling really should win some sort of prize for most ridiculous application of outdated rules.

Our 1925 house was located in Old Town, a quaint neighborhood of miss-matched houses. Some had been totally redone, and had yuppies living in them. Some had been converted into rentals with several apartments in one old, huge house and had students in them. Some were falling apart. We bought ours in 1993, just as the real estate market started going nuts. Our first mortgage was less than the rent we'd been paying for a two bedroom apartment. Our cottage wasn't falling apart, but it needed work.

The Engineer rewired the entire place. Silly us, we thought being able to run the microwave AND the fridge at the same time was a necessary luxury. We also redid the one bathroom, and the pepto bismol pink kitchen. We'd only planned to stay until we had our family. At a whopping 760 square feet, this house would not be big enough. But like a lot of plans of ours, that one didn't happen. Seven years later we were still in our starter house, one kid in the den made into nursery, the other on his way. The newly enclosed front porch was our sunroom, and soon to be YellowBoy's room.

This porch had stone pillars, so securing dry-wall to them was quite the challenge. But The Engineer's brother, Trouble, is a skilled carpenter, and the new room was wonderful. We'd even installed a mail slot so that our mail would land indoors, on a shelf, instead of being squished into the mailbox which had previously been in its spot. I even wrote a note to our grumpy mailman, Mike, declaring with pride our new mail slot. (I knew his name because in trying to be friendly and de-grumpify him, I'd asked.)

After three days, I still had no mail. Strange, we used to get all kinds of snail spam before I discovered how to stop that. A day with no mail was really very rare. Three? Something was up. I waited for Mike.

Hey Mike, didn't you see our mail slot?”
Yes. I did. It's illegal.”
Why?”
It just is. Fix it.”

And away he went. Didn't even give me that day's mail. I told you he was grumpy.

So I called. You probably know how hard it is to get an actual person on the phone. I managed after several days.

Well ma'am. It's like this. You aren't allowed to change the method of delivery without prior authorization. If you want a slot and not a box, it's gotta be approved beforehand.”
Ok, sorry. What form do I need?”
Well it's too late now. You've done it without the form. You won't be approved.”
Would you mind explaining that to me? You said I needed prior approval. I understand that it's why I haven't been getting my mail. But if I ask for approval now, won't the rest of my mail be delivered?”
No, you did it without authorization, so you won't be able to.”
You mean to tell me that whoever first built this house in 1925 has forever decided that I have to have a box?”
Yes.”

Unbelievable. When I was done ranting and raving, I put the mailbox BACK. And waited. Four days. No mail. I intercepted Mike again. (Despite his extreme grumpiness, he was at least punctual. We always got our mail between 3:00 and 3:30.)

Hey Mike! I put the box back, can I have my mail?”
Not until you go to the main station and pick up what they're holding and fill out the form to restart service.”

I was so fed up I just slammed back into the house. It was October. It was snowing. I was 36 weeks pregnant. High risk pregnant. With a toddler. I called.

Can you please make an exception? I'm high risk very pregnant and can't come get the mail.”
“No.”

Of course not. But by now this had been going on for over two weeks and I knew there were bills I had to pay. I'm sad to say they won, and I went over there. There were two plastic bins of mail (you've probably seen them behind the scenes while waiting in one of the impossibly long lines for your turn, they're the size of laundry baskets). I struggled, one bin at a time, making two trips with the bin precariously propped on the “hood” of the stroller over Jake's head while he screamed in protest in the seat. I couldn't leave him in the car. I couldn't carry the bin AND hold his hand.
I got my mail. They won. Mike started delivering again.

But the story doesn't end there. A year later we moved. I was excited about many things regarding our new house, and one of them was that I'd have a new mailman. I thought I'd have a new mailman.

It was several weeks before I spotted him. I stared in disbelief. Mr. Grumpy himself was carrying mail. On my street, on the other side of town. I couldn't stop myself from striking up a conversation.

What are you doing all the way over here?”
Delivering mail.”
I mean, are you subbing for someone?”
No, I finally got the route I've been asking for.”

Now folks, what are the odds? Because I assure you, I'm not making this up.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Saturday Centus: Family Drama, Part V


The Moon in Leo trines Mars and opposes Neptune. Although there is a chance to get a lot done and take positive action, misunderstandings could arise. It's better to be safe than sorry. Make sure you know what you're getting into before you take a risk that could leave you worse off than before.

Kat read the horoscope with her coffee. “Ha! I should have seen that yesterday.” She'd taken “positive action” by coming out in the storm to help her sister. The “misunderstanding” between Elaine and her lover had ended in bloodshed. She was, about to “take a risk”. “Worse off than before?” Hell, yes. She had a dead body, rolled up in a blood-soaked rug, waiting for some sort of action. Elaine had skipped out on her, again, and her hope of Russ's help was slowly dwindling as her coffee got cold and the phone stayed silent.

It's Saturday Centus.  By now you know the drill, 100 words, don't mess with the prompt, link up at Jenny's.  This week is another curve ball, though.  We were to take any horoscope and write about the day that person would have as a result.  I'm challenging myself to connect all my stories, regardless of the prompt.  Keeping with challenge, I told myself to just take whichever one popped up first in Google.  So go check out the other stories, and add yours to the linky if you want to play.

P.S You can read the first four parts here.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Colder than Winter


Cold is more than temperature
It's naked, skeletal trees
casting shadows
on the frozen ground
It's the wind that whips
the shriveled leaves
in a ghostly dance
It's windows shut,
patios barren
firewood stacked
where there once
was a lush garden,
but now, only a memory
The world is dormant
hunkering down,
as if to hide
from winter's woes

I'm like that, too
just so cold at heart
with despair's weary drag
I'm being sucked dry,
as if my pain, my sorrow
was someone's solace
so they take take take
and I'm left
staring at the stark bleakness
of defeat,
my skeleton bare,
my joy stolen by the
greedy cycle
paindespairdepressionpain
always the pain
my constant companion

Coldest of all,
I've lost you
no longer willing
to ride the roller-coaster
arm wrapped around me
in comfort and togetherness
you've left me stranded
on the side of the road,
danger at every turn
never even bothering
to wave goodbye.

It's One-Shot Wednesday.  Write a poem and link up!  

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Saturday Centus: Family Drama, Part IV

Please pick up, please pick up!” she chanted to herself while the phone kept ringing and ringing. Reluctantly, she used the code they'd developed years ago.

Pardon me,” said Tom T. Urkee”

The last time they'd used that phrase, Russ had been the one in trouble. She smiled as she remembered the incident which has cemented their long friendship.
He'd better not be in Columbia, again.

Hoping for coffee, Katherine was not surprised to find a note instead.

Dear Kat, sorry to run, but I just can't handle this. I'll be in touch.”

Classic. Sighing, she made the coffee herself. Russ would call soon.

It's Saturday Centus. Here's Part IV of my continuing story, earlier pieces are below. If you'd like to join us, link up at Jenny's, and check out the rules. 100 words, don't mess with the prompt (in bold italic).  You don't have to string them together, I'm just doing that for an extra challenge.

Part I
Good grief. On a night like this, even I might say, “It was a dark and stormy night,” thought Katherine as she negotiated the hair-pin turns on the rain-soaked country lane. This wasn't her plan for the evening. But what can you do when your baby sister calls you, desperate for help in the crisis du jour, and you're just sitting at home, planning revenge. Not just any revenge, but a revenge so clever and intricate that no one would be able to guess who or why. A revenge that would make this novel another best-seller. Tonight, though, she'd have to settle for real drama.

Part II
Katherine gave herself a pep-talk before getting out of the car. “Do the best you can. Get out as quickly as you can. Don't let her talk you into anything illegal. Again.”
Oh Katherine, you'll never believe what accidentally happened!”
Yes, I probably will. She was used to cleaning up after her sister's messes. And sure enough, there he lay. Elaine's latest lover, in a pool of blood. Shot through the head, she guessed, from what she could see. Well now, this was worse than usual. "This is never going to come out," she thought as she scrubbed at the spot on the worn carpet.” But, it would make another good scene in her latest murder mystery.

Part III

The early November sunshine cast golden rays of unwelcome light in her eyes. She tried to stay wrapped in the old quilt, while turning over and staying on the skinny sofa. Thud. She hit the bare wood floor. That spot hadn't come clean, as she'd warned Elaine. The rolled up rug lying by the front door was a quick reminder of what today would bring. And she wasn't looking forward to it. She'd disposed of numerous dead bodies over the years, but doing it for real as opposed to in her writing was not something she'd planned on. It was finally time to call in a favor.

Friday, November 19, 2010

55: Left on the Sidelines


Pain
grey
foggy
relentlessly constant

Pain
a curtain over
life
dulling the view
and keeping me
from joining in

Pain
exhausting
I'm fighting through
the curtain
the fog
just to emerge
feeling alone
left on the sidelines

Pain
an evil companion
stealing the spotlight
leaving me
in the shadows
behind the curtain
in the fog.

It's Flash Friday 55!  Write a poem or short, short story in exactly 55 words.  Then go tell g-man in his comments.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Sign, Sign, Everywhere a Sign



"Will work for food
Please help
God bless
Homeless vet"

I haven't walked
your path
or seen your pain
felt your despair
or hunger, loss, struggle

But I know Someone
who has
He told me,
Unto the least of these..”

I extend my hand,
with coins and a smile
God bless you!”
And feel good
for a while

But it's not a solution
or substitute
for a real revolution
Society must change
Or the cycle will continue
No absolution.

I'm participating in another prompt with the wonderful writers at One Shot Poetry.  Topic: homelessness.  If you want to join us, check out the photo prompts as well.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Sat. Centus: Family Drama, Part III

The early November sunshine cast golden rays of unwelcome light in her eyes. She tried to stay wrapped in the old quilt, while turning over and staying on the skinny sofa. Thud. She hit the bare wood floor. That spot hadn't come clean, as she'd warned Elaine. The rolled up rug lying by the front door was a quick reminder of what today would bring. And she wasn't looking forward to it. She'd disposed of numerous dead bodies over the years, but doing it for real as opposed to in her writing was not something she'd planned on. It was finally time to call in a favor.

It's Saturday Centus again, and I'm glad I get to play this week.  The rules are the same, only 100 words, don't split the prompt (in bold italic), link up at Jenny's.  I've added another dimension to this challenge for myself:  I'm going to try to connect all my future SC posts to the one above.  Some of you might remember what it in turn is linked to.  If not, here it is:
Part I
Good grief. On a night like this, even I might say, “It was a dark and stormy night,” thought Katherine as she negotiated the hair-pin turns on the rain-soaked country lane. This wasn't her plan for the evening. But what can you do when your baby sister calls you, desperate for help in the crisis du jour, and you're just sitting at home, planning revenge. Not just any revenge, but a revenge so clever and intricate that no one would be able to guess who or why. A revenge that would make this novel another best-seller. Tonight, though, she'd have to settle for real drama.

Part II



Katherine gave herself a pep-talk before getting out of the car. “Do the best you can. Get out as quickly as you can. Don't let her talk you into anything illegal. Again.”
Oh Katherine, you'll never believe what accidentally happened!”
Yes, I probably will. She was used to cleaning up after her sister's messes. And sure enough, there he lay. Elaine's latest lover, in a pool of blood. Shot through the head, she guessed, from what she could see. Well now, this was worse than usual. "This is never going to come out," she thought as she scrubbed at the spot on the worn carpet.” But, it would make another good scene in her latest murder mystery.

Friday, November 12, 2010

55 - Abandoned, Alone




Abandoned
Grass gone hippy-shaggy
Paint peeling,
as birch-bark does
revealing not new growth,
but faded glory
once sunny yellow,
now dull grey
those vacant windows,
no longer adorned
with lacy curtains,
coyly blinking-
waving 

in a breeze, instead

empty eyes wearily stare
at the abandoned yard
where kids once played
its  life extinguished,
empty house
Mourns.

It's Flash Friday 55!  Share 55 words, then tell g-man in his comments.


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Health Care Hijinx

It's gotten so absurdly ridiculous that I finally can't keep silent any longer. I've felt a rant coming on for quite some time, and now I just have to let it out. Health care and the insurance industry are tying the hands of our doctors and crippling the wallets of ordinary Americans, who are just trying to get by and stay healthy.

The first incident that led me to this point happened about five years ago. Jake had hideous headaches for over a year and nothing any of the doctors tried made a difference. Not only did he have full-blown puke and miss school migraines, but also daily, crippling “normal” headaches. The pediatric neurologist where we finally ended up ordered an MRI of his brain. He was eight. I can't remember which insurance we were with at the time, because it's all just a blur of new company every August, higher premiums, lower coverage, higher you-pays, and less choice in doctors and facilities.

This MRI was at Children's Hospital. An in-network facility. That didn't stop them from denying our claim. Apparently “elective” MRIs aren't covered until you meet your (sky-high) deductible. Do you think I'm taking my kid's headaches casually, and have ELECTED to have this procedure? I'll do anything to find what's causing his pain. His doctor said this would help. I'm doing it. No “election” necessary, but that's beside the point. That kind of insurance crap I'm used to. What really pissed me off was Children's policy. If you DON'T have insurance, they discount the procedure 20%. If you HAVE insurance, it's full price. In other words, I HAD INSURANCE, never mind that it wasn't covered, I paid full price. Out of my pocket. You know what a brain MRI cost in 2005? $1843.78. They “kindly” let us pay it in installments. $75 dollars at a time. I'm still furious. Thank God his test came back normal, but it took me weeks to get that report out of them. I think for that price they should have framed it in gold and hand-delivered it to me.

Last year was a really “great” year for insurance in our family. We were on three different policies. It's not just the hassle of all that paperwork. “Please list all your past surgeries, with date, doctor, facility, and diagnosis.” I have had the misfortune of needing 14 surgeries. They never give you more than three tiny lines to answer that. More significantly though, these frequent changes meant that we had to start paying our deductible over again THREE times. Never did meet it on any of the plans.

Of course, this August when the insurance changes came out, I was reluctant to see what the new “fabulous deal” was. Hmmm, completely new company, new type of plan, new mail order pharmacy, maybe this time we'd be OK. I never should have let that thought enter my brain. They've already shown their complete and total lack of common sense on two different occasions.

The first idiotic incident happened with my chronic pain doctor. I've been on the same drug, same dosage, for four years now. This new company filled it fine the first two months, then denied it the third month “at this dosage”. I took their lovely form letter to my dear doctor who said, “Yea, we've been getting these a lot this last month. Election coming up. Everyone getting their ducks in a row in case something big happens. I know just what to do. It's the NUMBER of pills they're objecting to. I'll just make it for fewer pills by doubling your dose.” I was incredulous. I used get four 10 mg pills, and could take one or two, twice a day, depending on my level of pain that day. Four pills a day. They took this choice away from me. Now I have two 20 mg pills per day. I no longer can cut the dose in half if I'm having an OK day, because this is a time-release med that you CANNOT cut or it releases way too much all at once. The insurance company is making me take MORE drugs than I need. Does this make sense to anyone?

The final event that broke my silence happened today. I'm having trouble with my hip, and the pain has been escalating over the last three months. I saw a hip specialist on Monday who ordered an MRI. Guess what they said about coverage? If I have it done IN THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE, it's covered. 100%. No co-pay, no meeting the deductible. However, if it's done in an “out-patient facility”, I have to meet my deductible first. I asked her. I clarified. “You mean, that if they use the same kind of machine, in the same kind of way, but one happens to be in an “office” and the other in a “facility”, then it's covered differently?” “Yes, that's what I'm saying.” So I of course decided a call to the “place” (since it has yet to be classified, you see, the machine belongs to my doctor's office, but is in a separate place in the building, their “MRI Suite”) and ask what category they fit in to. Of course no one could come to the phone right then, but I could leave a message...

I swear, all of this is enough to make this girl go on a search for some “medical” marijuana and just zone out and forget it all. Anyone know a good “doctor”?

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