If You Can't Stand the Heat...

You know how they have come up with a name for what happens to people when the days get shorter and shorter and they in turn get more and more depressed? They call is SAD. Seasonal affective disorder.  They've also come up with a partial solution. Light therapy.  I think it's time to come up with a name and treatment for what ails me. I hate summer. Truly. Hate. Summer.

I am always too hot. Always. It doesn't matter what season it is, I'm uncomfortable. You're there in your gorgeous sweater, and I'm in a t-shirt and sweaty. You cozy down under the blanket on the couch, I go change into a tank top. The Engineer sleeps in fleece pajamas, with two extra blankets under the down comforter. I sleep in a tank top, with the sheet at my waist. If I can stand it. And yes, I've been to the doctor. My thyroid is fine, dammit.

Now along comes summer. Hot, hideous, unrelenting summer. “But it's a dry heat!” Yeah, so what? It's still HEAT. What's a girl to do when she's already wearing the bare minimum of socially acceptable clothing? I take multiple showers a day, I change clothes often. I run the swamp cooler, and set up a personal fan wherever I am. I am still too hot. Surely this is a disorder. What shall we name it? I'm open to suggestions, because being this hot makes me even more depressed than what comes from the chronic pain and chronic illness. I can't come up with anything good to call this condition.

When I'm this hot, everything is a chore. I drag myself through the inertia to accomplish what must be done. Then plop back down in the wind-tunnel (our cooler blows straight down the long hallway, so that's what I nicknamed it) and try to stop dripping. Taking those showers is a lot of effort, too. And let's face it, practically useless since as soon as I towel off, I'm sweating again. It's embarrassing to always be wet. Sweat dripping down the back of my neck, down my face. Forget the make-up. Might as well not even try, because it melts away. And I have heat rash in places I'd rather not discuss.

So what shall we call this? EHD, for extreme heat depression? GRR? (Gosh, really roasting.) WET? (Wacked extreme temperature.) I don't know. But if you're hot too, let's get together. I've got a spot in the shade, a frosty beverage, and my fan. And room for you. Now all we need is a cure, faster than waiting for winter. I think I've got it! HIDE! Heat induced depression exhaustion. I'll be under the awning.