I'd Rather You Break Up With Me via Text Than at The Mall

Except it was 1981 and cell phones were still a bit away.

His name (not really) was Jim Kirk, and he was my first real boyfriend, as in I kissed him. I kissed him a lot. He was a terrible kisser, but of course I didn't know that, not having had much of that experience before.

I liked him because his name sounded Swedish (um, that would be the real name) and he looked Swedish, and he liked me. It was kinda nice to be liked. I was very used to being the sorta picked on nerdy girl with the glasses, the math, the band, the GT classes.

Don't take me wrong, I really enjoyed middle school, but that was because of Project Expand (the GT thing) and the life-long friends I made. Like Smooshie. You can read about her in my last A-Z Challenge post from last year.

We'd been dating about three months when I got what I call my sinking feeling about a guy. I was to experience this many more times, but this was my first, so it took me a while to recognize it and act. I think it takes me three months to get to know a boyfriend, and then comes that feeling, and it's on to the next. I was a serial dater.

So it's Christmas, and we've gotten to my absolute favorite part which is when my Amazing Aunt Risky and my uncle and Grandma Vivian are at our house for present opening. Sacred time. Fun rituals. FAMILY time.

There's a knock at the door. Jim has dressed up in a suit (but the stupid crew cut he got still looks stupid and he was wearing a pink shirt and pink tie and man was I done with him) to come over to see me for Christmas, for a surprise. I tell him it's not a good time, it's family time, and I'll see him later.

The Swede, the one with the manners, invites him in, welcomes him warmly, introduces him to everyone who welcome him warmly and wink at me. (And I swear Aunt Risky agreed with me about the pink shirt and tie, though we never discussed it.)

I hold back the tears, and proceed to pretend to enjoy my ruined Christmas tradition. He leaves soon after wards. I get a lecture (well-deserved) from The Swede about my manners. I sulk.

Three days later I break my left wrist (that would be my now “good” wrist, the one that isn't fused.) I'm in horrid pain, my cast is too tight because they just slapped it on me in the ER, temporarily, until I could see my orthopedic specialist (yes, I had my own, remember the broken hip?) who would assess the situation. He was on vacation.

Jim invites me to THE MALL which is about ½ hour away. I've been wanting to go there for a long time. I consider the pain. I consider the mall. I consider that I no longer even like Jim. I go to the mall. (I am no longer a shopper – perhaps this was the beginning.)

We've been there 5 minutes when he breaks up with me on the escalator. “You're just not mature enough for a boyfriend.” Probably quite accurate. But why drag me out on this long outing, when I'm in hideous pain, and break up at the beginning? Was it to torture me? I was relieved to be rid of him, but man, I was mad about the dragging me away from my propped up arm and my good book.

I wish he'd had a cell phone and just texted me, “I'm breaking up with you.” I think that would have suited me just fine.

Do you have an interesting break-up story?

~Tina

Annandag Jul: The Other Day of Christmas

Happy Friday to you all! We enjoyed THREE days of Christmas!  Not a french hen in sight, though. This was the first year we celebrated the Swedish tradition of Annandag Jul, “The Other Day of Christmas.” Except we celebrated it American style..yeah, try to keep up.  I'm trying to be brief...(I see those eyes rolling!)

Long time readers know that Swedes celebrate Christmas on Christmas Eve. We do this with all the Colorado contingent of our family and it's a big group. My Swissie has a great house, perfectly designed to host a party this size, and she and Windex (her husband, please see nickname tab above for explanation and intro to him) do a marvelous job. It was a truly special time. Thanks again to both of you.

Being Swedish and having that big celebration with my family on the 24th works out perfectly, because then we can always spend Christmas Day with The Engineer's family, American style. We really do try to incorporate both cultures in our family of four's traditions that we are creating as we raise them.

However, this year, his sister didn't have her kids until yesterday, so we postponed. That meant that American Christmas would be on the 26th, Annandag Jul.  Swedes really take three days to celebrate the birth of the Christ Child, each day having different traditions.

What this also meant was that for the first time since OYT was three and I had the stomach flu, our family of four (which I kept referring to as our nuclear family – but people didn't like that term, something about weapons of mass destruction was the objection, and wanted to just call it “our family” so we did a bit of both, depending on to whom we were trying to explain ourselves.)

OYT, appreciator of all things Christmas especially the traditions, went all out helping me plan our day. The Engineer and The Transporter stuck around long enough to make sure we had snow crab for dinner, then left with, “Whatever. I want some time to do my own thing, too, though.”

Here's a list of what we tried for our first family Christmas:

Hot chocolate while opening presents

Peppermint tea with candy canes available at all times

French toast with bacon for breakfast

Lighting all the candles I decorated with

Free time

The Charlie Brown Christmas Special

Chess

Apples to Apples

Left-over Swedish Christmas food for lunch

The new Veggie Tales movie “Merry Larry and The True Light of Christmas” (narrated by Uncle Si of Duck Dynasty – he's HILARIOUS)

Snow Crab for dinner

Movie together all four of us in the evening

We had a great day, and the only things that didn't happen were Apples to Apples and the movie. By the time we finished crab legs and Uncle Si, it was 10:30 and all of us were droopy.

As to Annandag Jul, that was of course a great day as well. On both sides of the family, we just enjoy each others' company so much. This lot of cousins are a bit older, 23, 22, and 17. They've taught my boys a lot of useful skills over the years, like how to turn a golf club into a LARP (live action role play) weapon, how to play card games like the ones the Big Bang gang plays, and of course, video game strategy. They have similar interests, which makes it all just flow.

While some of us watched Man of Steel (I may have to write my first movie review so strong is my opinion) others did a puzzle, which is another tradition. Day turned into night quickly, and as we drove home, I counted my blessings. Too many to count.

How was your holiday? Want to share a favorite part?

~Tina

P.S If you want to know more about the Veggie Movie. 52 second official trailer.

Smiles-a-Lot

I think I found my new “Skinny Boy.” (This post will make a lot more sense if you've read that one.)  However, to sum up, we have another boy who spends a LOT of time here because frankly his home life isn't "satisfactory."  He hasn't been as easy to warm to – he just has a different personality. But again, like Skinny Boy, amazing work ethic and impeccable mannners. Home situation quite different, too. Again, we'll leave it there. Lives in a nearby rental, reunited with Dad and new girlfriend. The difference in our family life, and I think the explanation for why he spends literally every available moment here, he shared off the cuff with me this afternoon.  What he said really helped me, because I've been wallowing in a the inertia-sucking mire of self-pity for a while.  "Smiles" gave me perspective. (That nickname is for you, Brian - he sure could use your expertise, and he's tries valiantly to cover his pain with a gorgeous smile)

I Finally got my house decorated this weekend by my fabulous Swissie, and this afternoon The Engineer found the Advent House!  

The advent house has 24 doors, big enough to tuck a little treat into. Of course I was ELEVEN days behind, so I wrote privilege cards, not being allowed to leave the house “limited activities, you may walk around your house if you want”. (I'm recovering from a nasty bout of bronchitis that sent my asthma to Olympic Gold...and I cracked at least one rib. While coughing.) So the cards said things like, “Get out of dishes”, “Get a smoothie”, etc. It's a tradition. There are usually trinkets, ornaments, candy, but not so far this year. Not been exactly traditional around here with a laid-up Mom for so long.

I asked “Smiles”  about his favorite Christmas traditions. He gets to spend a lot of time with his Grandparents in another state, so I didn't think it was a hurtful question. I thought there'd be some to share. He just smiled and said, “We're not a put together family like yours.”

Imagine that. I thought I was blowing Christmas for our kids with my infirmity, but no, I'm putting it together. Thanks, Smiles. I needed that. We need each other. We can help each other. Keep coming over.

P.S (Last year I wrote a three-part series about Swedish/American Christmas traditions if you'd like to take a peek.)