I feel like I'm on a balance beam, only I don't have all the skills I used to. When I was a gymnast I progressed from learning to walk on it without falling off, to doing a back walk-over, the most advanced skill I accomplished.
This is eleven seconds. I want you to know what I'm talking about.
I did it on those taller ones you see behind her. (I learned it on the low one she's on, that way you don't DIE trying...) As in, you could easily break your neck if you haven't practiced it enough until it's as easy as...breathing.
I'm trying to balance everything in my life again, now that I'm free and clear to DO my life again. I feel like I'm starting over, though.
Before I got sick, and yes, you're sick of my being sick stories but I think this analogy is worth it so bear with me if you would, or go away if you're done with me whining, I don't care...yes I do...please keep reading...Before I got sick I was able to balance all the elements in my life as if I were the gymnast on the balance beam doing the back-walkover.
I've lost the skill. Being NOT allowed to do my life (you can't be on your feet, you can't leave the house, blah blah blah restrictions) sorta chained me to my bed. I did get a lot done online, which was great, and distracting and useful. However, for two months, the rest of my life was on hold.
"Stuff" got done. Kind people fetched prescriptions. Sweet people randomly dropped off meals. The Transporter patiently took my totally OCD with way too many details lists to the grocery store and we kept food in the house. The Engineer cooked, the boys did dishes, they all did laundry. Life went on. I sat and watched.
Now I'm well. I can do anything, but not too much, not too fast, not for very long, and I can't do more than I can, if that makes sense. My ability to find synonyms is gone with the asthma drugs. Temporarily. I hope.
Today I felt like myself. For the first time since January. I feel like all of winter just flew by, and I step outside and it's spring. The flower beds are calling to me, the errands need to be done, the taxes (egads...) need to be done before the craziness of April begins. (Um, you have heard of the whole alphabet thing we've got going on? If not, click on that tab up there that says A-Z Challenge and then sign-up.) I need to clean my office.
I need to...learn to walk the balance beam again. Balance family, writing, blogging, the A-Z Challenge, my friends, the class I teach, and on and on.
Where is the girl who used to do the back-walkovers? I don't know. As far as I can tell, she's learning to walk that narrow (it's 4") beam without falling off. Falling off wouldn't be so bad for the normal person, but for me, falling off would mean back to square one, which started the whole thing. Don't want to go there.
How do you balance all that your life requires?