How
many chances should he get?
I
think he's already used them up
Whether
it's knives and shelves
or
heating systems and pills
Call
the cops, take him away
Repeat
Bail
out, help out
Give
him another chance
Give
him money to start
Over
and
over and over again
Forgive
and forget
Open
your heart
Have
it stomped on
An
endless cycle
meth
and madness
self-medicate
the
voices,
Calling
Can't
stand jail
No
privacy
Easy
answer -
don't
steal
Don't
steal from us,
our
patience is gone,
our
money is gone,
your
chances are gone
But
you don't see,
That
you're the one
Who
took it all.
***
We
have a close family member who has spent most of his life homeless,
by his choice, and in and out of jail, always “someone else's
fault”. I'm done enabling, but the rest of the family is not, and
my voice isn't loud enough on Mother's Day to be heard among all the
love and “second” chances. This is an example of the venting
part of my tagline...
24 comments:
It's called tough love. After a while, someone needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own life.
good on you being fed up with it...its hard when someone does not take ownership of their own behavior...i feel for him...but there comes a point when you just cant enable it any longer...
Oh, I feel for you, we have 'been there,done that' so my heart totally understands and my logical head too.
Best wishes and hoping for a better outcome on your situation.
Lucy from Lucy's Reality
P.S. love the way you wrote it up, my writing of it didn't come out as kindly.
Not much you can say to that other than I agree.
http://spudsdailyphoto.blogspot.co.uk/
You know what they say, 'never trust a junkie'. Turning your back on this person is perfectly OK and acceptable.
I hoped for a change, some are not worth fixing... so scream, then send the boot with a solid "get out".
Great venting, yeah some tough love is in order.
Hi Tina .. as if you haven't got enough going on in your life - that must have been a challenging Mother's Day ... sorry to hear about this.
As Alex says - tough love .. though that now may be too late ..
I hope things can be sorted .. cheers Hilary
I thank God I've never had to make that call with one of my own.
It is very difficult to be one voice sometimes...no matter how loud you can make it.
I had a friend when I was in college that spent a considerable amount of time being homeless and living out of his van. It was his choice, and he owned it. It had nothing to do with drugs or substance abuse; he just didn't want to be what his father wanted him to be, so he had to live on his own.
Oh, man... as somebody who has loved a couple addicts, this is so familiar and heartfelt. It's hard to let people you love fall as far as they need to, isn't it?
It's hard. We've experienced that too.
Dear Tina,
I sense the deepness of the pain. Addiction all consumes and robs one of their true sense of being. One day the 'love' one feels for the addiction that is replacement for real love, is only defeated if the person looks within and is genuine in wanting to change. I know, for what it's worth, I had to lose virtually all my dignity before I turned my life around.
I'm sending hopeful thoughts that your close family member realises that we have choices and the courage to change is frightening but the results are a revelation.
In peace and hope, your friend,
Gary
If you can't do the time, Don't do the crime.
Its absolutely hopeless to keep on giving him second chances, you are right Tina. Hope everyone else wakes up. Sounds like he's lazy and totally selfish.
JO ON FOOD, MY TRAVELS AND A SCENT OF CHOCOLATE
Very touching poem, gave me goosebumps. I too have a family member who has run through every family member until we finally say no.
Sometimes the best thing to do is to cut the person off from everything until they understand they need help. My mom always told me that you can give food to homeless or needy people, but not money, just in case they would be enabled.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I have a similar relative. He's in his 60's. He'll obviously never grow up. Good luck with your relative. :(
Shannon at The Warrior Muse
You describe it perfectly. Addiction issues run in my family. My brother didn't get clean until my mother reached the breaking point and refused to bail him out of jail. He what's sent to rehab after being found guilty on a charge that he could have beaten , but no one stepped up to bail him out. It was an blessing. He got clean and stayed that way.
We have one in our family too. Comes, asks for money, looks like hell. We fell for it once, then said no more, don't come here unless it's to ask for serious help. A shame. But, yes, we have to say no, it's for everyone's benefit. A universal malady, this problem ... sorry to hear, but you're doing the right thing.
What the enablers don't see is that they're hurting their loved one by letting him continue the cycle. But you can't force them to understand - and so we have poetry. Hope the vent felt good. You conveyed the frustration so well.
I know this story.
I've sang the stanzas for a few too many years.
I wonder if the family members might find info and solace in NA...or even AA.
It's hard to recognize sometimes when you're killing your loved one with perceived kindness.
Sending a hug and a blessing your way.
Well written. It's so hard to do what necessary sometimes, especially when others don't agree. It can tear apart a family. Meth addiction has a horrible cycle like your family member. Sometimes the best is to stop enabling.
It's such a hard situation to be in for all around. One without easy answers.
I like that the poem addresses such a serious topic without trivializing it, but showing how difficult it is.
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