Monday, May 13, 2013

Stolen Chances


How many chances should he get?
I think he's already used them up
Whether it's knives and shelves
or heating systems and pills
Call the cops, take him away

Repeat

Bail out, help out
Give him another chance
Give him money to start
Over
and over and over again

Forgive and forget
Open your heart
Have it stomped on

An endless cycle
meth and madness
self-medicate the
voices,

Calling
Can't stand jail
No privacy
Easy answer -
don't steal

Don't steal from us,
our patience is gone,
our money is gone,
your chances are gone

But you don't see,
That you're the one
Who took it all.
***
We have a close family member who has spent most of his life homeless, by his choice, and in and out of jail, always “someone else's fault”. I'm done enabling, but the rest of the family is not, and my voice isn't loud enough on Mother's Day to be heard among all the love and “second” chances. This is an example of the venting part of my tagline...

24 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

It's called tough love. After a while, someone needs to grow up and take responsibility for his own life.

Brian Miller said...

good on you being fed up with it...its hard when someone does not take ownership of their own behavior...i feel for him...but there comes a point when you just cant enable it any longer...

Lucy said...

Oh, I feel for you, we have 'been there,done that' so my heart totally understands and my logical head too.
Best wishes and hoping for a better outcome on your situation.

Lucy from Lucy's Reality

P.S. love the way you wrote it up, my writing of it didn't come out as kindly.

Bill Nicholls said...

Not much you can say to that other than I agree.
http://spudsdailyphoto.blogspot.co.uk/

JoJo said...

You know what they say, 'never trust a junkie'. Turning your back on this person is perfectly OK and acceptable.

Jeremy [Retro-Z] said...

I hoped for a change, some are not worth fixing... so scream, then send the boot with a solid "get out".

Sheena-kay Graham said...

Great venting, yeah some tough love is in order.

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Tina .. as if you haven't got enough going on in your life - that must have been a challenging Mother's Day ... sorry to hear about this.

As Alex says - tough love .. though that now may be too late ..

I hope things can be sorted .. cheers Hilary

LD Masterson said...

I thank God I've never had to make that call with one of my own.

Andrea said...

It is very difficult to be one voice sometimes...no matter how loud you can make it.

Andrew Leon said...

I had a friend when I was in college that spent a considerable amount of time being homeless and living out of his van. It was his choice, and he owned it. It had nothing to do with drugs or substance abuse; he just didn't want to be what his father wanted him to be, so he had to live on his own.

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, man... as somebody who has loved a couple addicts, this is so familiar and heartfelt. It's hard to let people you love fall as far as they need to, isn't it?

Laeli said...

It's hard. We've experienced that too.

klahanie said...

Dear Tina,

I sense the deepness of the pain. Addiction all consumes and robs one of their true sense of being. One day the 'love' one feels for the addiction that is replacement for real love, is only defeated if the person looks within and is genuine in wanting to change. I know, for what it's worth, I had to lose virtually all my dignity before I turned my life around.

I'm sending hopeful thoughts that your close family member realises that we have choices and the courage to change is frightening but the results are a revelation.

In peace and hope, your friend,

Gary

Jo said...

If you can't do the time, Don't do the crime.

Its absolutely hopeless to keep on giving him second chances, you are right Tina. Hope everyone else wakes up. Sounds like he's lazy and totally selfish.

JO ON FOOD, MY TRAVELS AND A SCENT OF CHOCOLATE

Hildie McQueen said...

Very touching poem, gave me goosebumps. I too have a family member who has run through every family member until we finally say no.

Rachel said...

Sometimes the best thing to do is to cut the person off from everything until they understand they need help. My mom always told me that you can give food to homeless or needy people, but not money, just in case they would be enabled.

Shannon Lawrence said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with that. I have a similar relative. He's in his 60's. He'll obviously never grow up. Good luck with your relative. :(

Shannon at The Warrior Muse

#1Nana said...

You describe it perfectly. Addiction issues run in my family. My brother didn't get clean until my mother reached the breaking point and refused to bail him out of jail. He what's sent to rehab after being found guilty on a charge that he could have beaten , but no one stepped up to bail him out. It was an blessing. He got clean and stayed that way.

Silvia Villalobos said...

We have one in our family too. Comes, asks for money, looks like hell. We fell for it once, then said no more, don't come here unless it's to ask for serious help. A shame. But, yes, we have to say no, it's for everyone's benefit. A universal malady, this problem ... sorry to hear, but you're doing the right thing.

Nicki Elson said...

What the enablers don't see is that they're hurting their loved one by letting him continue the cycle. But you can't force them to understand - and so we have poetry. Hope the vent felt good. You conveyed the frustration so well.

Jenny said...

I know this story.

I've sang the stanzas for a few too many years.

I wonder if the family members might find info and solace in NA...or even AA.

It's hard to recognize sometimes when you're killing your loved one with perceived kindness.

Sending a hug and a blessing your way.

Bethie said...

Well written. It's so hard to do what necessary sometimes, especially when others don't agree. It can tear apart a family. Meth addiction has a horrible cycle like your family member. Sometimes the best is to stop enabling.

Matt D said...

It's such a hard situation to be in for all around. One without easy answers.

I like that the poem addresses such a serious topic without trivializing it, but showing how difficult it is.