Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Insecure Writer's Support Group - My First Brave Meeting




Hi, my name is Tina and I'm an insecure writer. I'm insecure because so many of my blogging buddies have published multiple novels, and I'm still writing my first one. I'm insecure because sometimes I get no traffic when I've worked hard on a post, and I'm insecure because I don't have my family's support. Let's tackle 'em one at a time.

I'm lucky to get to hang out with the big kids in the big pool, I know that. It's lovely when they tell me I've done well. It's also lovely when they take the time to offer real critique because that shows me that they are REALLY reading what I write and care enough to say what I could improve. I'm flattered when the big bloggers visit EVERY post I write, but I feel guilty when I don't make it around to all of their posts. I'm a stay-at-home mom of two teen boys, and don't have a lot of time for my writing/blogging/visiting. Then I feel guilty when I spend to much time on it. (We'll get to more of that in reason 3...) I've published my first story. That helped me a lot. It gave me the confidence to keep writing the novel I started for BuNoWriMo. It hasn't given me the TIME, though ;-) but it's at 17% and that's more than I had when I started.

I'm a math nerd. Numbers fuel my sense of worth. Four comments on a post makes me feel unimportant. I have to work really hard not to constantly check my stats. I think part of that goes back to issues from college (anorexia, which you can read about in Careless Words) where self-esteem was non-existent and numbers (at that time) on a scale defined me. I'm afraid of letting blog stats do the same to me now. It has helped me to have another blog to work on – being a co-host at the A-Z Challenge Blog really feeds my self-esteem and I feel appreciated and important with the work I do there. It's not much writing though, but it does use some of my God-given organizational and leadership skills and that's good.

I'm also insecure because not all of my family members take the time to read what I write. Yes, several are subscribers, some read sporadically, but there is one person who I wish would read everything I write, and tell me I'm doing a good job, working hard towards my goal, and that he'll support me in them. Maybe one day he'll get it. So far, I spend to much time of my day on “that time-wasting blogging thing” and not enough “getting stuff done.” Sigh.

If you're an insecure writer, you may join us on the first Wednesday of every month.  The linky is at Alex. J Cavanaugh's, our consumate host.

26 comments:

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Ignore the stats! They often don't mean anything.
I appreciate what you write and all the work you do for the A to Z team.

Dani said...

I love what you have to say. I've learn new words. I think you're brilliant, witty, and cleaver, and yes I realize that several of those words might mean the same thing. You are a woman of everyday life. I can relate to you. Stats mean nothing unless it's for a football game. lol.

Brian Miller said...

you realize it was only a year ago that my family started reading and i have been writing for 4 years...so...you are not alone...and i think you are a good writer...hey i wrote with you before...smiles...stats mean little....

Kaye Draper said...

Welcome to IWSG! If you're a numbers person than I know you realize that statistics are very misleading. If you focus on those numbers, then you might as well just quit right now, right? I mean, agents only accept 1% of all the submissions they receive, etc....

Forget numbers and just do what you love. Part of the excitement is the thought that someday you might BEAT the odds!

I also share your insecurity about readers. My husband has read precisely 0% of the 6.5 novels I've written. Not (I like to think) because he doesn't care, but because if he saw the novel in a bookstore he would be completely not interested. Beyond that, it's just not his thing, and I think he would be scared to give me an honest opinion because if it were less than stellar he wouldn't want to be the one to crush my dreams. That's my take on it anyway.

Best of luck in all you do!

Jenny said...

I am insecure, but I just do it anyway.

I figure I'll never be the worst writer or the best writer...

I'll just stay here in the middle of the pack...insecure and all!

ha!

Allison said...

I hear you. But like Alex says, ignore the stats cause they don't matter! I enjoy seeing my blogging buddies' writing success because I know it can be done and it is great to have other writers supporting me :)

Allison (Geek Banter)

farawayeyes said...

If four comments make you feel good, today you're a superstar. Actually, you're a superstar everyday, you just don't believe it, yet. Work on that, will ya!

Nice to meet you.

Carrie-Anne said...

I check my numbers too often too. I've cut back on blogging in response to generally low traffic and a very small percentage of comments per hits, and hopefully something will finally click.

lookingonthebrightside said...

i read your blog as often as i can (remember to check blogs - on my to-do list!) but i am horrible about commenting. My insecurity? No one wants to hear what i have to say or my reaction to a post... so i am a lurker, but i love your blog!

Shah Wharton said...

I totally hear you on the family patronising issue - honestly, especially my in-laws. My hubs is great but doesn't like my genre and isn't really a big reader, so when he asks to read something and I ask if he liked it and he says - "Okay, but it's not my cup of tea" I fume that he shouldn't ask to read it then! GRR. And as for spending "..to much time of my day on “that time-wasting blogging thing” and not enough “getting stuff done.” Don't get me started!! Best of luck next month X

Linda said...

Yeah, I get depressed when nobody reads what I wrote - but on the other hand I don't have much time for blogging and maybe I don't stop by their blogs often enough... Just keep on with what you're doing - as I said on my blogpost, no writing is wasted writing, even a blogpost that nobody reads - you still honed your skills writing it!

Tami Von Zalez said...

Thank you for the nice comments - seems we are going to be bumping into each other in the days to come, I'm linking into Monstrous Monday too!

thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

Empty Nest Insider said...

This sounds so familiar! Hey, you were an amazing co-host of A to Z, and you're almost at 400 followers!
Sounds like you have much to be proud of! Julie

Yolanda Renee said...

Families are the worst for support. I can't even get them to mark 'like' for me. But that's typical.

Don't judge yourself by others. You, and your writing will be different and you want it to be.

Read my blog, you'll smile, I promise.
Nice to meet you Tina, via the IWSG

Vikki (www.the-view-outside.com) said...

Hi there :)

Just stopping by from the IWSG.

I know exactly how you feel about not having the time to visit other peoples blogs, and the guilt that instills :(

And i also know how you feel about thinking no one is interested in your posts, but, i dealt with that by writing my blog posts for myself. By not trying too hard and responding to every comment i received. Now, i have a great little community of regular readers, and we have a laugh. I'd much rather have a few regular readers who comment all the time, than loads of followers who never comment :)

It can be difficult when we dont feel supported by family. Im very lucky in that my hubby is very supportive, although, no other family memebers read my stuff.

You are not alone honey, dont beat yourself up and just keep writing!!!! :)

xx

Kelly Louise said...

Yeah, it's not easy to get your loved ones to read your stuff and, then when they do, they're afraid to comment.

So glad you linked where I could find you. Have a lovely day!

Joylene Nowell Butler said...

You're living in my world now and I'm here to say, be as insecure as you wanna be. Why? Because once you're published, (and it will happen) your life is going to get very hairy. Enjoy the peace, Tina. I know that's easy to say, but honestly, if only someone would have advised I do just that. I probably wouldn't have, but I still think someone should have told.

Happy IWSG. I'm #192

Heather Murphy said...

Ah, I totally get this post! My significant other complains "You've been on that computer all night" as he is trying to talk to me about something on TV. My dad gets quiet when I talk about my blog. And I have found that other than a few loyal followers, my posts don't get visits unless I visit them first. Are those pity comments? I try not to think about it.
I personally think you're awesome so don't be discouraged :)

Chemist Ken said...

Welcome from a fellow IWSG member. I know what you mean about not having enough time to write. But you haven't given up and that's good. And you're still getting more comments that I get, so you must be doing something right.

Thanks for stopping by my blog today.

Andrea Franco-Cook said...

I don't think you're giving yourself enough credit. Taking on a huge project like a novel takes guts. Congrats on your publication. Sounds like you have a lot to be proud of.

I'm also a stay-at-home mom. Taking care of others all day long is draining, but nonetheless rewarding. Sometimes we forget to set aside some time for ourselves. For me, writing is just the escape I need. Best of luck on your novel.

Diana said...

I love big numbers too! On my blog that is. ;) It's hard when you don't have those nearest and dearest to you support what you do. It used to bug my husband when I'd spend hours on a novel, but only 10 mins. in the kitchen. Once he realized how passionate I am about it though, he became more understanding. Well, most days. LOL

Sher A. Hart said...

Oh, talk about deja vu. My youngest just moved out this year. I survived the years when I couldn't find the time to write, and I still can't find enough now. I have a similar person who thinks this platform building is just play, a waste of time. I also joined IWSG for support, but I'm glad to have found some great critique partners too.

Elizabeth Seckman said...

We have all felt those fears. I made myself stop counting the numbers. Just write and enjoy the process, let the numbers deal with themselves. I have been on some of the biggest blogs and been uninspired, and I have stumbled onto blogs with a single follower and been blown away.

(I'm a SAHM of four boys(3 teens; 1 pre-teen)...yay for us!)

Annalisa Crawford said...

I used to be hugely interested in my stats - blog, Facebook, Twitter, and then suddenly one day I realised I wasn't checking them as obsessively anymore. I have no idea why, though.

As for family members not reading the things you've written, my mum hasn't read my published book. I've gotten used to her not reading my drafts, but when I realised she hadn't read my book I was a little upset... There's not much you can do about it though.

Donna B. McNicol said...

I'm one who rarely looks at my blog stats, the ones on Blogger seem to be inaccurate and meaningless. I put sitemeter on my blog and used to look at it all the time. No more..LOL!

When I first started my writing blog, I was worried that no one would follow me. Doing my first A-Z helped that. I still don't have 200 followers but I've been too busy writing my first novel and have been ignoring my social media. So be it...LOL!

Hang in there...

Susan Gourley/Kelley said...

Sometimes I don't many comments too. Lots of support here for you even if all the family isn't behind you.