Tuesday, June 12, 2012

One More Won't Hurt You


It's a sneaky one,
this insidiously slithering
slowly sliding
silently hissing
satanical siren song
of promised relief

I don't need it
I don't need it
I DON'T NEED IT
roll over
switch position,
scrunch the pillow,
draw the sheet

Now he's sliding up my spine
a vertebrae at a time
I want to scratch, want to grab
want to fling the fucker at the wall
and watch him shatter to nothing
I mean, he doesn't really exists,
so what harm is there in that?

I'm strong
I'm capable
I've come five weeks
It's almost over
It's almost over
It's almost over

It'll never really be over
I'll always be here
sure, I'll leave you alone,
like I did when you thought I'd left
for good
that's my best trick, you know
make you think you've won
battle over, let down your guard

Ha!
That's my best time to strike, to
insidiously slither
slowly slide
hissing, silently
suggesting
my satanical siren song
just take one
AGAIN
just one

Silently praying
I ride it out
Get up, read
watch, write, cook,
slither around the silent house
myself
until he leaves.
For today.



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I'm linking up at my new favorite watering hole, dVerse. Head on over for a beverage and some bards. Good times, all are welcome.

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No, I didn't quit smoking. I quit amitriptyline which I've been taking for over three years to help me sleep. Withdrawal absolutely sucks big time. And it's so unfair. Over the years, I've taken just about every narcotic out there, and stopped taking them with absolutely no problems. Try to stop some stupid, practically over the counter “non-habit forming, really safe” med? HELL. 


19 comments:

[Retro-Zombie] said...

brilliant... read! life is good remember not a nut sandwich... well on certain days...
:)
Jermey [Retro-Z]

Andrea said...

Gripping...yikes!

Brian Miller said...

oh snap...ok so i did not think it was withdrawl sneaking up on you...haha...but it does suck...and i hope the rest of it goes passed quick...ugh...great use of alliteration in this...

Jenny said...

Brilliant writing! I'm sorry about the withdrawal!

JoJo said...

I've been on Amitriptyline or 'trips' as I call it for years but I don't take it enough to have been hooked. I got a script for 90 pills b/f I moved away from Washington State last June and I still have about 30 or more left.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

That really sucks! I'm sorry.

klahanie said...

Hi Tina,
You know somehow, this to will pass and it will become easier.
Easy for me to say, however finding positive distractions, indeed, such as your noteworthy verbalisation, all helps.
I know to always consult the prescriber over stopping medication.
Wishing you well and remember that life is good and life's what we make it.
In kindness and concern, Gary

Raymond Alexander Kukkee said...

This stuff sucks, Tina, you put it across perfectly. Amitriptyline is dangerous crap and is prescribed FAR too often to people that don't need it--and you can get hooked on it badly.
Great post! Withdrawal from anything, prescription or not..sucks. Good luck with it too!

Juli said...

Really great way to explain how it takes over your mind/body.

Really well done.

Heather Murphy said...

This is how it feels to quit smoking too! I feel bad for you :(
That is a terrible feeling!

Nick Wilford said...

I'm glad you quit but sorry that it was so difficult. Pretty scary that this is supposed to be safe, too!

J. Kwiatkowski-Schuler said...

I've always heard that a good bit of vigorous physical exercise makes one sleep well. I don't want to risk it, though. It might be habit-forming.

kolembo said...

haha, enjoyed this!
smirking for some reason!

Old Ollie said...

slither around the silent house

all good, but I really like this line.

Claudia said...

oh heck..that's tough...and you capture the intensity of the fight really well...

Nicole said...

I'm not familiar with amitriptyline (unless it goes by other names) but could sure probably use a dose of it...or two. When I read the link you put on it though, it said that a prescription is required to get it. *sigh* So, I can't just walk into Walgreens and grab one off of the shelf?! *double sigh* LOL. Sleeping has been an ongoing battle for me and I'm about fed up with it.

Good luck on your journey to quit. Hopefully knowing that withdrawal is only temporary can bring you some comfort :) If all else fails, have you tried a tiny ounce of red wine? Maybe that could help.

Ciara said...

Withdrawl is tough. I wish you all the best. Keep us posted.

Hart Johnson said...

Oh, man... sounds miserable. I think sleep is the most dangerous thing we can mess with. I work for an anesthesiologist and they spend as much time studying sleep as pain and they really are clueless. But the drugs that manipulate it definitely mess with our bodies' abilities to do anything on our own.

Anthoney said...

Hi Tina,
To quit smoking we must makeup our mind, set a quit day and make it special for us. Save money you would spend on cigarettes to plan for a treat tomorrow and avoid going to places where you might found smokers.
san antonio personal trainer