It's
time you met Jenocide. We've been friends since we were both
pregnant with our now almost 16 year-old sons and have weathered many
a storm together. This has all been long distance, because she had
the nerve to move across the country after we'd only been friends
about a year. I have forgiven...just not forgotten.
Jenocide
is not, shy, not afraid of conflict, even if it comes to severe
conflict. She kinda relishes in being a bad-ass. I haven't written
about her before, because she's a very private person...but enough is
enough...time to meet her. I decided the best way to “get her feet
wet” on my blog was to throw her in the deep end of the pool...and
she wouldn't have it any other way.
So
here's what's actually a typical TRUE story of the kind of conflicts
she finds herself in.
Warning...this
story contains a lot of “colorful metaphors.” To quote Spock in
Star Trek IV, “During this time period, lots of colorful metaphors
were used in communication.” Translation = bad words. Since I try
to keep my blog pretty much PG, I will substitute and try to convey
the depth of the word choices without offending anyone. Wish me
luck.
Do
you use craigslist? We do a lot, and have never had anything
remotely like this happen. Jenocide and husband were in the process
of buying a car for their soon to be new driver, and had made
complicated arrangements through craigslist with a man named Art to
drive 2 ½ hours one way, take the car to a mechanic to have it
inspected, but were pretty sure they were coming home with the car.
They hadn't gotten the VIN as the mechanic had requested, even after
several attempts, but were proceeding anyway. As they are pulling
out of the driveway, Jenocide texts them to say they're on their way.
“We're
on our way“
“I
can't do this. I get 20 calls a day on this flippin' car”
“Are
you kidding me? You realize we're coming to buy this car. At least
you had the decency to tell me before we drove all the FLIPPIN' way
there. What's wrong with you people?”
“This
Art's wife. I don't have time for this BS with my schedule or your
BS inspection so bring the mechanic to us you (derogatory name for a
female)”
“You
really think I'm going to drive two hours and pay for a car I can't
test drive or inspect? Flip you and you're POS probably stolen
vehicle. Good luck selling it to one of those 20 people. Don't
contact me again.”
“FU.
You said you were buying the car, so come here and buy it or we'll
find you and make you really pay.”
It
was at this point Jenocide thought, wow, this has escalated insanely
quickly to something really ugly, but I kinda feel like riding this
text train all the way to the station. So she decides to bait her.
“You
do realize your husband texted me your address last night, right?
You realize I can find YOU and you have no idea who I am or how to
find ME? So bring your trash a** on down here. In fact, I look
forward to it.”
“FU.
I've sold 20 cars on craigslist and you're the only idiot who wanted
an inspection and all this BS. You're a stupid (more derogatory
terms for female, cringeworthy). You may not buy this car now. I've
decided not to sell it to you. “
“You're
still coming here to find me, right? Because I've got to be honest,
I'm looking forward to it. I've set aside my whole day to wait for
you.”
“FU.
We'll meet you (at a middle point) and you can buy the car only now
it's $300 more.”
“Ma'am,
here's my counter offer...you come find me, and I'll give you the
money, and you can keep your POS car. How'd that be? What time
should I expect you?”
Apparently
Art's wife was now done conversing.
As
it turns out, this was providence. They found a MUCH nicer, much
newer, better quality car IN TOWN and bought that. And she's still
waiting to hear back from Art's wife ;-)
It's
plain to see that she's a character. I AVOID conflict. She relishes
it. I find her stories quite entertaining, and if I were in some
back alley and in trouble, I wouldn't need a superhero of any kind,
just Jenocide.
Do
you have you craigslist experience? Do you enjoy a good knock-down
text war with an insane stranger? Would you like to borrow my
superhero?
~Tina
